Imagine being in a new relationship. Everything is wonderful and nothing is impossible. Since the relationship is still very new, we try to please our partner as much as possible and show ourselves in the best possible light.
While this works in the beginning it is not a good recipe for the future. Successful relationships (and later on marriages) are based on our true selves and not on our or our partner’s projections of us. In other words – the truer we are to ourselves and our partner, the better the chances of success.
What can we do to make relationship last?
Let’s express our wishes
Before engaging in a new relationship, it is important to know your partner. Do you think they will understand and support you?
When we enter into a new relationship, especially when we fall in love, it quickly happens that our daily lives start to revolve around the significant other. We try to please our partner and make him or her happy, suppressing our wishes and personal goals in the process.
One day we may find out that we have sacrificed ourselves for the sake of the relationship to work. And that is a problem. It is important to be aware of who we are and what really matters to us in a relationship. Only if we are aware of our desires, needs and expectations can we express them.
Talk, talk, talk!
One of the most important assets in any relationship is communication. Talking about certain topics at the beginning of a relationship can be a little scary, but it is crucial to build a good foundation. In such cases professional counseling can be of great help.
If you are interested in receiving relationship counseling from licensed professionals, click here for more information.
Both men and women are often afraid to express their needs and desires and therefore express them only indirectly or not at all. Clients in therapy often complain that they feel frustrated or angry about not knowing about specific problems earlier. It is important to understand that although our desires and life goals seem self-evident to us, our partner cannot read our minds and thus cannot know what we want unless we tell them of course.
Fixing problems before they become big problems – conflict resolution
How we resolve conflicts is important for a quality relationship. Conflicts are a completely natural part of any and every relationship. Conflict is not the same as fighting – a conflict is about two conflicting desires. If we address these conflicts constructively, they can even enhance our relationship. In contrast, unconstructive ways of resolving conflicts often have a negative impact on a relationship.
Falling in love, being in love and staying in love
People differ in how they express love. Some express love through touch (eg hug, holding hands, sexuality), words (eg tell each other that they love each other), spending time together (eg go on a trip together, play cards together), gifts (e.g., buying a bouquet of flowers) or actions (e.g., preparing a partner’s favorite dish, tidying up). No matter what your means are it is imperative to express love as true love is a foundation of any relationship.
Even though we may be in a difficult period of our relationship, we can always find something to praise our partner for and thus show we appreciate and love them!